A Belated Message
Well... This is going to be a lengthy text about my experience editing on Fandom QSMP and my very belated farewell message.
For those who don’t know me, I’m PernasY, former editor, former Discussion Moderator, and the 2nd highest editor on the fandom (it may sound like I’m bragging, but it will make more sense later).
Eight months ago, I made the "decision" to step away from editing and contributing to the QSMP fandom. I put decision in quotes because stopping wasn't something I consciously planned; I think it was more a natural consequence of various circ*mstances.
Eleven months ago was my first contact and edit on the fandom. I remember it like it was yesterday. I saw that Forever's page was so sparse, so I added more content – a lot of content. I was excited to contribute and little did I know that this would only be the beginning of an addiction.
Yes, editing became an addiction. I've always loved writing and, combining that with my excitement for QSMP, my life began to revolve around editing on the Fandom, with only one goal: to be number one in the number of edits.
This started right from the beginning. When I edited Forever's page, I ended up writing a comment explaining what I had done and asking to be informed if there were any mistakes. That's when @Anquelz replied: "You write very well! Please continue, it was a great job!" When I visited her profile and saw that she had over 400 edits, such a large number for me at the time, I set a goal to surpass her. And so, days went by, and I finally passed her, but the empty pleasure consumed me and I wasn't satisfied – I wanted to be the first.
When I saw who was number one, it seemed like a mountain was in front of me. @Alzhy had over 3000 edits. I think I should have stopped there, but I continued wanting to surpass him. For three months, my life was all about editing, editing, and editing, to the point of making over 1000 edits in a week.
But this behavior wasn't sustainable, and when I went a few days without editing, he would be 700 edits ahead upon my return.
During these months, a new goal emerged: to be recognized. And what did being recognized mean? Being an administrator. I thought that as long as I continued to edit, I would be recognized and become an administrator, but that never happened. I don't deny that I was angry and frustrated; after all, there were administrators who hadn't logged in for months and others who didn't even have 500 edits. Why were they administrators and I wasn't? Just because they were there at the beginning of the fandom?
But who would have imagined that I would be rewarded by the person I least expected, my “rival” @Alzhy. During those four months I edited, we ended up talking a few times. And when I thought I was banned, he ended up giving me the position of Discussion Moderator. Seriously, I was very happy. I was finally recognized for my work. It wasn't the administrator position, but so much time had passed that even if I had only received a "congratulations," I would have been satisfied.
Receiving the position of Discussion Moderator made me excited about editing again, but that only lasted a few weeks. Editing was no longer fun; it was an obligation. I forced myself to edit, wanting to be the first. In the end, I never surpassed him and one day I just stopped. It wasn't something I thought about; I just never logged into that fandom again.
Until today, eight months later, @Lexthechaoticperson200 upvoted one of my old messages and I got the notification. I ended up logging in here again, seeing how things have changed. @Anquelz with 2,255 edits and @Alzhy with 12,397 edits. And even eight months later, I'm still in 2nd place. Looking at @Alzhy’s numbers, I wonder if I hadn't stopped, would I be at that level? I'm glad I stopped.
I would like to thank everyone who was part of this journey. Every interaction, every collaboration, and every laugh are memories I hold dear.
And I especially thank:
@Anqelz , you were the first person I talked to and my first goal to surpass. Probably, if you hadn't responded to my comment, I wouldn't have continued editing. Was that good or bad? I don't know.
@Tukimice , I’ve asked you for many things, mainly related to templates, but when you asked me to reduce the amount of information on Forever’s page, I said I would do it later. Soon after, I stopped. Sorry.
@Cilannia , I think in the four months I participated in this community, you were the person I talked to the most. Our conversations, along with @Tukimice, brought new ideas.
@Alzhy , my “rival.” I don't know if I hate you. If @Anqelz was the initial push, you prolonged my torture by giving me hopes of being first. Just kidding, it surprises me that you continue to edit. 12,397 edits is not a small feat.
And finally, @Lexthechaoticperson200 , thank you for this vote that, even after so long, brought back these memories and inspired me to write this message.
Although I don’t plan to return to editing, I want you to know that I will always carry with me what I experienced here.
-PernasY
